He Said

It’s four o’clock in the morning and I’m sleeping like a baby. Suddenly I hear groaning, whining, and loud breathing, simultaneously. I’m not worried about being knifed, shot, or robbed. I’m worried that you have awakened with another one of your nightmares.

Most people dream and occasionally have scary dreams, but you have some really weird activities going on in your head while the rest of the world in trying to sleep. You are the only person that I know of who has realistic dreams, realistic to you, anyway. When you wake and start berating me because of your dream, I start to get just a little worried and a lot paranoid. Number one, I am not the cause of the problems in your dream process, but for some reason I get the blame. This latest one takes the cake. I hope you don’t mind if I share it.

You came back from the bathroom at four AM and I asked if you were all right. In a dejected voice, you told me that you were mad at me. Now this isn’t good to hear at four in the afternoon, let alone, four in the morning.

“What did I do?” I asked innocently.

“You told me you didn’t love me anymore and that you were leaving.”

“Oh,” I said. “What did you do that made me want to leave?”

I had to stifle a laugh when you told me that I left you because I was jealous of your TV. You must be feeling guilty because you would rather watch TV than spend time alone with me. You know I don’t like most TV programs. I’d rather both of us spend time talking or reading. So, in order to compensate for your guilt, you manufactured this ridiculous dream to blame me for it.

No matter how much I tried to explain that this dream wasn’t real, I couldn’t convince you of it. You kept saying that it seemed so real. I can hardly wait for another dream to see what I’m going to be blamed for next.

 

She Said

First of all, I’m completely aware of the fact that dreams aren’t real. But, that doesn’t keep me from being angry with you for doing something to trigger the thoughts precipitating a nightmare.

Who else can get into my psyche like you do?

Remember last month when we were at the Institute viewing the Christmas trees with a friend of mine and you ran into a former neighbor? We were across the room from you, and your friend asked which one was your wife. I had on a white sweater and she had on a red one; without hesitating, you said the one wearing the red sweater and you didn’t bother to explain. So, on that night you dreamt that an old girlfriend ran off with your best friend. Serves you right for that dry sense of humor you constantly exhibit.

If you would just let me come home from work, relax, go out to dinner, and get to bed early with no outside interference, maybe I wouldn’t go to sleep all keyed up and anxious. That anxiety is more than likely what causes nightmares.

As long as we’re talking about dreams/ nightmares, I particularly liked the one you had about Sophie and you profess not to even like dogs. You have to admit, she’s an awesome dog, who has won you over. She gets all wiggly and excited just looking at you so if that isn’t reality, I don’t know what is.

The good thing about when you dream though is that you’re able to keep quiet enough for me to sleep through them. In your case, your dreams are probably triggered by something on TRU TV or one of those shows that you watch on that thing that you don’t like CALLED A TELEVISION.

I guess one thing is for certain, sleeping with each other is never dull just a new dimension for us old timers.

About The Author

Larry Oldham

Larry Oldham is the most honest and talented salesperson on the planet, as well as the most humble. The Virginia Press Association bought in and awarded him the 2010 Outstanding Sales Professional of the Year. He and his wife Dena are known to debate the finer things in life with a little needling here and there whenever possible.