He Said

From time to time we have both accused one another of having a passion for something besides each other. I think you accused me of using facebook as the other person in my life taking time away from you or as you called it “us.” In the past I have said that you spend a lot of time in the yard or in the house working on your projects. I never get angry and every project you work on makes the house, car, roof, basement, walls, kitchen, carpet, and bathrooms look much better. I want to take a moment to thank you for being such a dedicated wife and a hard worker at everything you do.

After paying you all of those compliments, I just have one little, bitty tiny concern that I think I should bring to your attention. It is the other thing in your life that has become so important to you that I am really suffering. You shopped around for this new item that you just had to have. I thought, it is your money and your desire, so I’ll help you find just the one you want.  Well, we found it, you bought it, and now it has started to take over our marriage. I think you know what it is. It’s that infernal new tablet. What has that tablet got that I haven’t got? Why do you spend countless hours on that thing when you could be spending countless hours with me, if you get my drift? You lie in bed at night playing with that little box. You even wear headphones so you can play the music or hear funny quips you find on facebook. I am not jealous, but I am concerned. I am just looking for a little more attention and less face time for you on the tablet, pretty please!

She Said

Aren’t you cute? A man who has over three-thousand friends on facebook, a man who gets up first thing in the morning, starts posting words of wisdom for all his friends, and then comes in at night, gets on the computer, and starts posting songs to his favorite music sites. Sometimes you do this for hours. A lot of the time you are doing it on MY computer, (so I had no other choice but to get a computer that I could use WHEN I WANT IT without having to ask for it). Besides you have a laptop, a desktop computer, and a tablet. I had no other recourse except to get a tablet of my own, small enough to keep on my lap in bed, in the car, or anywhere I need access to information. Do you really think that a tablet could take your place? I mean that tablet couldn’t wash the car, mow the grass, clean the gutters, or polish the wood floors. Wait a minute, neither can you, ha ha.

I only got the tablet to entertain myself when you are at meetings, playing on my computer, or you are too busy fixing dinner. Oh, wait a minute, you never fix dinner either. You should be getting the picture by now. The tablet did not take your place; it only fills in when you are too busy to be with me. See how this works? You accuse and I justify by putting the shoe on the other foot. How does it feel to be busted by a woman and her tablet? What you need to do is add up all the time I spend on the tablet and add up all the time you don’t spend with me. Then we can truthfully see who is the champion of “shared affections.”

PS: My tablet doesn’t talk back.

About The Author

Larry Oldham
President

Larry Oldham is the most honest and talented salesperson on the planet, as well as the most humble. The Virginia Press Association bought in and awarded him the 2010 Outstanding Sales Professional of the Year. He and his wife Dena are known to debate the finer things in life with a little needling here and there whenever possible.

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